Sunday, December 17, 2017

Meaningful Conversations

When I hear the term "meaningful conversations" I would typically assume they're happening with another adult. Deep, thoughtful conversations using big words over a fancy salad or some sort of nice dinner; oblivious to the world around me. 

This kind of conversation did happen, but it was in a much different setting. 

This conversation was in my car with my 3 year old. Surrounded by a car filled with small toys and dropped fruit snacks. The car that needs to be washed and has tiny fingerprint marks all over the window next to the carseat. 

Leaving my mom's house tonight my arms were full. Mack on one hip, the coat he refused to put on in the 26 degree December weather in my left hand. My purse on my right arm also holding Mack's go-everywhere blanket, his must-have pacifier (..i know, i know..) and his Halloween bucket full of his favorite small toys- the ones that will soon be lost in my car. In an attempt to be silly and quickly try to get us in the car, buckled in, with the heat on ASAP, I jokingly told Mack I was running to the car in case there were any wolves outside. 

NOW, before you jump to me being a horrible mother, please understand the back story of the mere fact my child is OBSESSED with Halloween. Hence the halloween bucket full of toys in my right hand while headed to the car. Our nighttime stories consist of constant werewolves, vampires and the witch and her broom. Conversations involving Werewolves happen on the daily in our little household together. 

As I was quickly trying to buckle Mack in his carseat I said, "hurry! dey's comin!" 
Mack grabbed my face in his two little hands and told me to look at him. "Mom. Look. Look at me!" as my eyes glanced up and met his, he looked me something fierce and continued, "There's no such thing. They're not out here. You're okay, mom." 

The confidence of my 3 year old fully intending to calm my weary state made my heart sing.  My 3 year old has learned over the course of him living with me as a single mother how to take care of me. How to calm me, how to comfort me. This little being is my human. 
He gets me. 

As I ran around to the drivers side of my car and jumped in to escape the cold weather I told Mack how he's such a good boy. He's brave and he's so smart. I started to reverse down the driveway and he sadly said, "yeah, but mom, I don't have magic. The magic isn't in my hands." I told him there IS magic in his hands and he does have it! He put his two hands up "look" as his two hands just sat in the air, he continued, "see, dey not working.. der is no magic coming out of dem." 

I tried my best to explain that magic lives in our hearts. 

Mack softly said, "I can't feel it, but I know my heart is beeping mom" 
The last couple days Mack has grabbed my hand and said, "feel my heart" and every time I kneel down so our faces are level and I feel his heart and he tells me it's beeping. 

This conversation continued as I told Mack that magic lives in our hearts, and we use our magic by being kind, loving others and serving one another. When we are nice, we use nice words and we love those around us, we get a warm happy feeling in our hearts. THAT is magic. 

This conversation was probably completely insignificant to Mack. When I carried him in the car after he fell asleep 2 minutes after these words were exchanged and he cried and cried about how he didn't want to go to bed.. I can't guarantee he remembered anything about our talk in the car. But it felt incredible to empower my 3 year old to do good in the world. 

Even more so, this was a reminder to myself that we each have magic inside of us. The power to do good as we strive to love and serve those around us is real. It truly is magic. 

My days as a mother are often spent worrying I'm not doing enough, or teaching enough, or loving enough to Mackson. I want to teach him everything. Then I realize maybe he teaches me more than I am teaching him. That we make a good team and we are growing with each other. 

That sometimes my most meaningful conversations are with a 3 year old. 

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